The purpose of this post is to utilize a dancing metaphor to encourage you to think about the rhythmic nature of your coaching.
The Tango is a dance that combines elements of South American, African, and European traditions. It is distinguished by its syncopated beat, which encourages spontaneity and full expression. Observing a couple dance the Tango in coordination and move around the floor with ease, perfect synchronization, connection, and complete expression can be an enthralling experience. Even if one spouse is in charge of the motions, they both have equal control. When the dancers are in unison, it may be really emotional. The experience for the viewer can be choppy, disorienting, and in some ways unappealing when the dancers are “off” in their pairing of the dance.
I frequently see coaches struggling to understand what it means to work as a team with their clients. I see a lot of people leading with their heads, concentrating on asking the proper questions, guiding clients toward solutions, controlling time, etc. When they feel pressure to take the lead or make sure their customers receive outcomes, they struggle with allowing equilibrium in the connection to develop. These are just a handful of the numerous ways coaches might lose coaching presence by becoming lost in their own thoughts. The phrase “If You're Working Too Hard, You're Not Coaching!” has been spoken by me to anybody who has taken one of my programs or been coached by me.
This is how I prefer to communicate what I've found to be most effective in helping coaches and their clients co-create fruitful, creative, and, dare I say, transforming coaching encounters. The solution is to be more trusting and carefree. As they provide a structure that you may hold for your client, trust yourself, your training, your client, and the coaching process, much as the lead could hold the space for the dancing partner. After all of that, let's think about what can be learned about teaching and partnering from the mistakes that are frequently made when leading the Tango.
3 Typical Tango Leading Errors:
Lead using your arms to end up losing connection with your partner and make them appear and feel motionless while trying to move them in the desired direction.
Lead with shoulders to lose connection with your partner and create choppy, jagged movements. Instead, lean towards your partner to guide them.
Instead of acknowledging your partner's maximum expression of the dance, lead with a full pivot or step.
Here is how to correct those mistakes:
With purpose, lead from your body's center outward. Your client can match your intention if you take the lead from your center. Your companion will so feel asked into a movement with you, rather than being instructed or directed to do anything. They will feel valued, listened to, and given the freedom to express themselves via the motions completely.
Things to Think About
How is coaching related to “lead from the center with intention”?
How do the stated frequent errors apply to you?
In utilizing this type of dancing as a symbol for collaborating in your coaching engagements, what is coming to light for you as relevant?
At its most fundamental level, coaching is a partnership built on mutual respect and a commitment to work together to help clients become more aware of their potential and use it to achieve their stated goals. The need for coaching is rising as the profession of coaching continues to develop and widen in companies and virtually every aspect or specialty area of life. While we, the coaches, are concentrating on our own training, accreditation, and in some cases starting a coaching company, it is crucial that we keep in mind that teaching is still a significant component of what we do. We are still setting the standard in this field.
We cannot presume that our clients understand what it means to be coached or how to participate in the coaching relationship in successful and fruitful ways. Likewise, we can't presume that our clients have ever taken dancing classes, or perhaps they have, but they only studied the Cha Cha and not the Tango, to continue the metaphor.
It is crucial to keep in mind that our capacity to teach our clients how to be coached—or, to put it another way, what the dance steps are—depends in part on their effectiveness in participating in the coaching process.
I'm providing 5 basic guidelines (dance moves, if you will) that are fully in line with the International Coach Federation Core Competencies in order to preserve uniformity and consistency when considering what it means to educate our clients to dance with us during the coaching process. Referring in particular to the areas of Foundation: Exemplifying Ethical Practice and Adopting the Coaching Mindset and Co-Creating The Relationship: Creating & Upholding Agreements, Fostering Trust & Safety, and Upholding Presence
Creating a Basis for a Fruitful Coaching Relationship
Guideline No. 1: Be Ethical
Your customer will feel more comfortable, encouraged, and confident if you are educated on the ICF Code of Ethics and uphold ethical standards.
Consideration Point
What does it entail for you to practice ethics?
How does upholding ethical standards affect the way you interact with your clients?
Guideline No. 2: Set an example
It might be simple to assume that your clients are aware of the meaning of coaching or what it implies for them to participate in a positive, creative way. Your clients come to you for advice and even instruction on what coaching is and how to effectively participate in a coaching relationship. One effective technique to show your clients how to interact with you is to exhibit coach-like habits.
Things to Think About
What more ways do you think you may demonstrate the coaching mindset? Your personal self-leadership should evolve.
What do you believe is crucial to role-model for your clients in order to help them advance in their own self-leadership?
In order for your coaching practice or engagements to feel successful for you, what limits would you need to establish or change?
What are your clients suggesting to you that they could do to facilitate fruitful participation in the coaching process?
It Takes Two, but It Begins With You: Building The Relationship Together
Guideline No. 3: Setting Clear Agreements AND Upholding Them is the third guiding principle
Provide complete openness on all facets of the relationship by being explicit about your roles, your clients' roles, what you provide, your scheduling procedures, confidentiality, billing, and anything else that must be discussed. Give your customer all the information you are aware they will require to completely grasp their options and the expectations placed on them. Then, as a lot of coaches tend to overlook, inquire if there is anything you missed or haven't covered that they feel should be a part of the agreement. This is a crucial step in co-creating the partnership. Verify your agreement. Then, during the life of your engagement, make sure you uphold the commitments that have been made and ratified.
Things to Think About
Where can I make the coaching agreement with my clients stronger or more explicit?
What information could my clients require in order to fully participate in their own coaching success?
Guideline No. 4: Be Consistent
Only to the extent that your clients permit you, can you train them. For your clients to take larger risks in the coaching relationship and process, you must cultivate a culture of non-judgment, trust, and safety via consistent, congruent conduct and way of being.
Things to Think About
What advantages will it bring to your clients if you consistently uphold the terms of the contract and each session?
How will maintaining a strong sense of trust and safety be cultivated by being regular in your conduct and manner of being?
Where may you unintentionally push or lead your customer instead of inviting them?
Guideline No. 5: Be responsive
You will be better equipped to respond to what your client gives or doesn't offer at any given time if you increase your ability to be present across a whole coaching session. By improving your ability to be present, you'll be better able to listen contextually, which will give you more access to your observations and intuition. This will make it easier for you to respond to others with creative messages, questions, and other techniques that raise awareness.
Things to Think About
When or when can it become impossible for you to be fully present with your clients?
When you suddenly lose awareness, what happens?
What kind of advantages will your clients experience if you enhance your coaching presence throughout these times and places?
What does coaching from your "core" mean to you?
In conclusion, I know that you have all had that synchronicity sense of which I speak, whether it is the Foxtrot, Tango, Merengue, or a waltz that you choose to dance with your clientele. It is an entirely immersive experience, similar to seeing certain ballroom dancers perform or having a profound connection with a buddy in a busy space that makes all other noises and distractions disappear. This is the secret simplicity and strength of coaching. It does not occur by chance.
It is made feasible when we, as coaches, take special efforts to form strong agreements with both ourselves and our clients. We may ask our client partners to fill the space we hold for them with their genius and possibilities by offering a structure for the coaching relationship that enables us to feel reassured as we step ahead with the goal of taking the lead.